Pulling myself up by my lace straps...

Okay, so to address my own self here...GET OUT THERE AND DO IT ALREADY!  Sheesh!  Sometimes I can be so darn hard of hearing...

(what?)

It's time to reassess and get my head back into the game.  I have been so preoccupied with my knee.  What if I fall on it?  What if I take a hard knee?  What if it gets knocked out from under me?  What if I twist it and trip myself while skating?  Good Lord...shut up already!  My inner voices have been so damn whiny and pissy lately even I am sick of listening to them. 

That fall did more than damage my ligament, it took the wind right out of my sails.  But only because I let it.  Well, not anymore.  Between that and allowing derby attitudes and personality conflicts to get under my skin roller derby lost it's fun.  I have been attending practices but not enjoying myself.  Since I was not enjoying myself I was not pushing myself.  Since I was not pushing myself I was not learning.  Since I was not learning I was not enjoying myself.  Ugly cycle, my friends.

Oh hell, let's even add into the mix the chance that I may have to move...again...due to my landlord's apparent lack of fiscal intelligence (also a real burr under my saddle preoccupying my thoughts). 

So, in essence my mood has been suck ass.  Yup, that about sums it up.

Tonight I rocked my own boat and all is much better with the world.  Every time I started to hear my inner whiner mention that my feet hurt I skated a little harder.  Every time I heard that bitch whisper in my ear that my ankles were feeling stiff I skated a little harder.  And after a bit she finally shut the hell up. 

It also helped a lot that Mouth and Doctor Manhattan put a lot of effort into working with Johnny and I on reffing skills and calls.  Much needed and appreciated.  I was pleasantly surprised in myself that when I really pushed it I could mostly keep up on the outside of the pack...I was never more than a 1/2 a lap behind.  For me, that's quite good, lol. 

Thursday...I can't wait for it.  Tonight showed me that there is still fun to be had so long as I don't allow myself to steal it away.  And you know what?  My knee feels just fine.   (: