Okay, so to address my own self here...GET OUT THERE AND DO IT ALREADY! Sheesh! Sometimes I can be so darn hard of hearing...
(what?)
It's time to reassess and get my head back into the game. I have been so preoccupied with my knee. What if I fall on it? What if I take a hard knee? What if it gets knocked out from under me? What if I twist it and trip myself while skating? Good Lord...shut up already! My inner voices have been so damn whiny and pissy lately even I am sick of listening to them.
That fall did more than damage my ligament, it took the wind right out of my sails. But only because I let it. Well, not anymore. Between that and allowing derby attitudes and personality conflicts to get under my skin roller derby lost it's fun. I have been attending practices but not enjoying myself. Since I was not enjoying myself I was not pushing myself. Since I was not pushing myself I was not learning. Since I was not learning I was not enjoying myself. Ugly cycle, my friends.
Oh hell, let's even add into the mix the chance that I may have to move...again...due to my landlord's apparent lack of fiscal intelligence (also a real burr under my saddle preoccupying my thoughts).
So, in essence my mood has been suck ass. Yup, that about sums it up.
Tonight I rocked my own boat and all is much better with the world. Every time I started to hear my inner whiner mention that my feet hurt I skated a little harder. Every time I heard that bitch whisper in my ear that my ankles were feeling stiff I skated a little harder. And after a bit she finally shut the hell up.
It also helped a lot that Mouth and Doctor Manhattan put a lot of effort into working with Johnny and I on reffing skills and calls. Much needed and appreciated. I was pleasantly surprised in myself that when I really pushed it I could mostly keep up on the outside of the pack...I was never more than a 1/2 a lap behind. For me, that's quite good, lol.
Thursday...I can't wait for it. Tonight showed me that there is still fun to be had so long as I don't allow myself to steal it away. And you know what? My knee feels just fine. (:
