Slacker..!

So I have been a huge ass slacker and have not updated this bad boy over the last couple of months...looks like somebody needs a spanking!

So...here is the summary of what I have been up to in the world of derby, in no particular order:

• I have reffed two bouts and a scrimmage as an inside pack ref 
• Hermiston vs. Rodeo City
• Hermiston vs. ACRG B-Team
• Rodeo City vs. Rolling Hills
• I still have mucho pain when I land on my knees...hoping a pair of gaskets that Santa is hopefully bringing me will make a world of difference with that.
• Day to day knee pain is petty much non-existent now (hooray!).
• I have been getting much more comfortable picking my feet up while maneuvering...something I have struggled with a lot.

Right now our season is over and practices are on hiatus until January.  A lot of change has been happening on the team and a new board is getting ready to transition in.  

I can't wait for practices to start again...I miss it.  The last couple of weeks of practice were pretty sparsely populated, which was actually quite nice for me as I was able to really spend some time focusing on basics that I have yet to master.  I feel like I really was starting to get a lot more comfortable on my wheels at the end of the season and I can't wait to get back to it.

Pulling myself up by my lace straps...

Okay, so to address my own self here...GET OUT THERE AND DO IT ALREADY!  Sheesh!  Sometimes I can be so darn hard of hearing...

(what?)

It's time to reassess and get my head back into the game.  I have been so preoccupied with my knee.  What if I fall on it?  What if I take a hard knee?  What if it gets knocked out from under me?  What if I twist it and trip myself while skating?  Good Lord...shut up already!  My inner voices have been so damn whiny and pissy lately even I am sick of listening to them. 

That fall did more than damage my ligament, it took the wind right out of my sails.  But only because I let it.  Well, not anymore.  Between that and allowing derby attitudes and personality conflicts to get under my skin roller derby lost it's fun.  I have been attending practices but not enjoying myself.  Since I was not enjoying myself I was not pushing myself.  Since I was not pushing myself I was not learning.  Since I was not learning I was not enjoying myself.  Ugly cycle, my friends.

Oh hell, let's even add into the mix the chance that I may have to move...again...due to my landlord's apparent lack of fiscal intelligence (also a real burr under my saddle preoccupying my thoughts). 

So, in essence my mood has been suck ass.  Yup, that about sums it up.

Tonight I rocked my own boat and all is much better with the world.  Every time I started to hear my inner whiner mention that my feet hurt I skated a little harder.  Every time I heard that bitch whisper in my ear that my ankles were feeling stiff I skated a little harder.  And after a bit she finally shut the hell up. 

It also helped a lot that Mouth and Doctor Manhattan put a lot of effort into working with Johnny and I on reffing skills and calls.  Much needed and appreciated.  I was pleasantly surprised in myself that when I really pushed it I could mostly keep up on the outside of the pack...I was never more than a 1/2 a lap behind.  For me, that's quite good, lol. 

Thursday...I can't wait for it.  Tonight showed me that there is still fun to be had so long as I don't allow myself to steal it away.  And you know what?  My knee feels just fine.   (:

Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine...

Okay, time for my whiny ass post.  We all knew it was bound to happen...

I am finding it very, very difficult to feel like part of the team.  I have made some friends, and most of the girls on the team are super nice, but still there doesn't seem to be a sense of camaraderie as a whole.  I don't know if it's just me and that maybe I had too high of expectations or what but after several months I still feel like an outsider looking in through a window.

I'm sure it doesn't help that I am injured.  There, I said it.  I am not hurt...I am broken.  Let's start there.

So far I think that I have mostly glossed over my injury because I hate to even admit to myself that I am really screwed so early into my derby "career".  I ruptured my Posterior Cruciate Ligament.  It's not sprained, not torn, not damaged...it is gone.  Finito.  No more.  There is no healing process...it cannot heal.  There is only adapting, adjusting, and getting by.  Surgery is an inevitability but one I am trying deftly to avoid for as long as possible because I simply cannot afford to be so laid up for such a long healing process with 2 small children and a household to take care of.

I hurt.

I hurt all the time.  All.  The.  Time.

I hurt especially bad when I skate.  It's not the motion of skating that hurts (for the most part) but the brace I am supposed to be wearing while I skate to prevent further damage to my ligaments.  Oh that bastard.  It is more like a medieval torture device than a protective one.  The second I get it all strapped up the cramps begin.  My calf tightens up into an impossible charlie horse and my shin gets splinty.  It does not ease even the slightest bit until I remove the brace.  The entire time I skate my right leg is on fire.  I want to cry...but I push through because I want to skate more.

This in turn pretty much turns me into the sloppiest damn skater you have ever seen.  I trip myself up.  I am even slower than I was before I fell.  My legs feel as if they are going to buckle beneath me.  I have no endurance whatsoever.  It sucks.  But dammit I want to skate!

The brace along with the straps on my knee pads combine to prevent me from being able to take a knee without hurting myself more.  The lovely brace also prevents my pad from sitting properly over that knee (although it is somewhat better with the Killer 187's I bought from Catz) which in turn causes a safety concern.  Therefore taking a knee is simply out of the question.  This makes me unsafe in a pack environment...I can't fall small so I would be a danger to the rest of the team.

I see the ortho tomorrow and I am so fervently praying I can downgrade to a soft hinged brace!  Until then I can't do about 90% of the pack drills.  Not helping me feel like a part of the team. 

And I keep wondering if officially switching over to reffing was a good idea or not.  Logically it makes sense because I am not ready for any real contact either physically or mentally as of yet.  It allows me to aide the team even if I can't keep up with them.  But on the flip side I can't help but wonder if this now makes me even less a part of the team.  I still pay my dues, skate on all the drills that I can do, attend practices, attend meetings, assist with after hour things, and stay involved.  Am I still part of the team?  Sometimes I wonder.  Maybe it's all in my head.

Maybe I am feeling particularly moody and left out after yesterday's festivities.

Yesterday the team did a demo scrimmage at the local fair.  All the girl got to play.  They split into a freshie and a vet team and went up against girls from some neighboring teams.  I would have been bouting too if I weren't broken.  I should have been bouting...I admit, I cried.

But, I put on my big girl panties and volunteered to NSO.  In particular, I wanted to do something with score-keeping or penalty tracking so that I could get a close-up view on how the refs work together with the NSOs and as a team since I am working to be a part of that aspect of derby now.  I was slated to do scoreboard.  I figured I would make the best of it and do my part and be a part of the action any way in which I could be.

But then I got there and was told that I would be doing merch instead. 

Now, for the record, I have nothing against doing merch.  Generally speaking I enjoy getting the interaction with the fans and it is an important part of our fundraising.  And you get to work with one of the other girls and it's done in shifts so you also usually get a chance to cheer on your team and enjoy the fun of bout day.  All in all not a bad place to be.

But yesterday it was like a slap to the face.  I was really looking forward to NSOing. 

And quite frankly it sucked...hard.  Ready for the big old baby bitchfest?  Here it comes...

I spent the entire bout by myself, in the heat with no water save for people of KADLEC across the way (and no opportunity to grab one of the 2 dozen bottles I brought), no piss breaks (thank goodness I just dehydrated it all out), and not even the chance to watch one single freakin' jam's worth of the scrimmages. 

Not being able to be on my skates was wound enough, not even getting to spend 2 minutes cheering on the other freshies during their first public bout was like a gallon of salt in it.  Broke my heart.

Now, I am not so self-absorbed as to be upset with any of the girls supposedly slated for merch for not helping me...they were nervous and excited to be bouting and of course I was the furthest thing possible from the minds.  But for fucks sake it just would have been nice if one of the powers that be remembered me out there and sent someone to let me get a damn drink or pee.  I can't help but feel as if the underlying theme to my day was "you're broken and can't be a part of it anyway so just sit out there and let us have our fun".  I grinned and bore it, taking one for the team and all, but I can't help but feel like I am of no value to their eyes.

I do my best.  That's all I can do.  But seriously?  I can't even look at the photos from yesterday...they just remind me that I was on the outside not even able to look in.  I may as well have not even been there at all.

Now, maybe it's all in my own damn head and I'm just PMSing.  But writing is, as always, cathartic and I needed to get these poisonous feelings the hell out somewhere.  So here they are.

I'm off to have a good cry and eat some fucking chocolate...maybe I am PMSing after all...

Gonna get my Ref on...

So, I have come to the decision that I am going to start learning the ropes of derby reffing. 

This is not the end of my derby career as a player but merely a sensible detour along my route.  I WILL bout one day, but I still have a long way to go with this knee so why rush it.

Not only does it make sense seeing as how I can't join in on contact drills or even go onto my knee yet (my physical therapist assures me the ability to weight bear on my knee will come with time) but having such a firm grasp of the game and all of it's rules will only help to better me as a player.  I'm actually really looking forward to it.

I've been feeling really out of place at practices; it's hard watching them do all these amazing footwork and teamwork drills from The outside looking in.  And the fact that my lovely leg brace cramps up my calf and slows my already turtle-like ass down makes keeping up with pack stuff completely impossible to me for now.  So coming to this decision was a natural progression and actually has me feeling excited again. 

It's the best of both worlds...I still get to improve my skills and learn through drilling with the team but I will be able to go closer to my own pace without feeling like I am holding the team back.  And I will still be a member of the team.  My biggest concern was that I had to choose one or the other so that is a big sigh of relief. 

Besides, vertical stripes are slimming.  (:

You may now refer to me as Penny Lizer.  Carry on.

First fall back...

So, as much as it makes me crazy I have been a good little girl and sat out pretty much all the drills lately as I am not allowed to do contract yet or anything that may cause a fall. 

Yes, I know that I can't put weight on my knee while it's bent yet.  Yes, I know I can't even take a knee safely yet.  Yes, I know that I can't fall small enough to not be a danger to the other girls yet.  And yes, I know that in time it will come and this is only temporary...but it still sucks to miss out on some of the fun (and drills I really need to learn).

The silver lining I am sticking to is that my crossovers are going to be fierce when I get back in.  And I am starting to concentrate on my starts and my sprints.  And Lord knows I need all the endurance work I can get my hands on (especially after a month off skates) so the constant lapping is good for me.

Oh, and the money we're getting from Aflac for my physical therapy is going to buy me new skates, pads, and gaskets.  So that rocks.

But I still wanna hit people!  And right now Coach has the girls really focusing on footwork, positional blocking, and partnering strategies.  I am absorbing as much as I can from the outside but I am really itching to get in there and try it out firsthand.

So, it comes towards the end of practice and Coach has the girls start doing some pack drills...and they are working on one where you gotta pull yourself up through the pack keeping all eight on the floor.  At first I told Coach that I should sit it out because I'm supposed to avoid anything that has a fall risk (Hell, my ortho wasn't really comfortable green lighting my skating yet at all but I talked her into it).  But then I watched them make one go round and jumped in. 

Coach sent every girl around me to the front one at a time, I got the sense he was timid about sending me up until we were near the end of the drill to keep me safe.  But he did finally call me out and I made it up to the front with no issues.  Well, apparently Lyte 'Em Up was following me up through the pack and I hadn't realized it.  I had no sooner gotten up and plowed back to pack pace when she grabbed my hips to whip in front of me. 

Totally not expecting that.  And down I went.

I spun around 180 degrees and totally whiffed.  I went down flat.  According to Smash it was a graceful and small sprawl that was easy for the girls behind me to avoid.  I was instantly scared I was going to cause a pile-up behind me and hurt someone because I kept my legs straight for fear of bashing my knees (still using the old pads and since I wear them over my brace I am unsure of what type of protection they offer for my bad knee).  I tried my best to get out of the way of the pack and back up as quickly as I could then went to skate the outside and do a damage assessment.  No pain at all, which was both surprising and awesome since moving my knee certain ways around the house causes furious pain.  I guess my brace does serve a purpose other than causing my calf to cramp after all.

Lyte 'Em Up felt bad about it, she hadn't realized it was me from behind...not that she really should have.  Actually I feel like a complete douche for not having myself planted enough to have given the hip whip...lesson learned: ALWAYS be fully aware of what your pack mates are doing.

I'm really glad I fell though.  It scared the shit out of me since I expected massive amounts of pain to follow...and there was none.  So now I can go to practice Tuesday with less trepidation knowing that while I can't fall small enough to be safe in a large pack, I can join in on some of the smaller group drills and know that even if I fall I'll be fine.  So, thanks for taking my ass down, Lyte 'Em Up!  (:

I'm back..!

Got the all clear from both the ortho and my physical therapist to get back on skates...woot woot!

Of course, I am only to lap and do non-contact, low fall risk drills for a month or so...but I'll take it!  Oh, and I am supposed to wear my damn...I mean expensive...oops I mean wonderful brace.  Thankfully I no longer have to sport the bionic look in my day to day but I suppose I can understand, even if begrudgingly, the sensibility of wearing it while on skates to keep me from hyper-flexing on a fall and tearing my ACL.  Of course, I highly doubt that it's that much of a risk since falling forward (as we're drilled to do in derby) is not risky in that way but you never do know when you might do something stupid and go windmilling backwards even if you're not supposed to.  I will be a good girl and wear it for the next week or so but probably not much more beyond that though.

So...back to practice yesterday.  It.  Felt.  So.  GOOD! 

Man, I missed skating!

I was very pleased to note that even with the jacked knee and restrictive brace I could still lap just fine and even still do my crossovers (a new skill that I did not seem to lose while laid up...yes!).  It was even nicer to note that none of the motions of skating caused me any pain.  As a matter of fact, with the exception of my notoriously weak ankles complaining a bit, I was not in any pain at all.

I mostly did laps as I am not cleared for contact yet but I did join in on one drill that involved some feet stomping...very minimal discomfort but still no pain there.  I briefly considered joining in on a little sprint drill/game that Coach concocted that was similar to Heads Up Seven Up (remember that little blast from elementary school??) where we all took a knee in a group and closed our eyes until Coach blew the whistle then we had to pop up fast, find him, sprint to him, then sprint back to the start and take a knee as fast as we could.  I could not quite seem to figure out how to get down to a knee gracefully and more or less fell onto my hip to sit in the circle and when the first whistle blew I finagled my way back to standing and let Coach know I was not going to participate...Yertle the Turtle would not do well in that game and I was even slower than him at getting up and down!  So I did more laps and some one leg glides.

After about an hour into practice I got the bright idea, since all was going just so darn swimmingly, to go off to the side and see if I could take a knee with some amount of grace and agility.  Oh...if only I had a time machine...

That did not go well at all.

My brilliant mind reasoned that I should be able to get down onto my left knee if I took my time.  I thought that:

1. My right knee was damaged so it made sense to go down onto the left.
2. I had been able to do one legged presses, squats, and lunges during therapy sessions so I still had the quad strength to do it.
3. What could go wrong?

What I failed to consider was:

1. I was wearing a restrictive metal brace on my right leg that would impede it's ability to bend in such a fashion as to get my left leg to the ground properly.
2. I did not yet have full range of motion in the right knee.
3. Everything could go wrong!

By the time I realized what a horribly bad, stupid, mentally insane, and completely retarded decision that had been I was too committed to stop my motion.  (That sound you hear is me banging my head into a brick wall)

POP goes the knee and down we go.  Whee!

The pain I get in my knee when I do something stupid is like banging your elbow at maximum speed into a metal table.  It doesn't necessarily hurt for a long time but it hurts like a mother trucker, alright. 

I decided that I was now done for the day and took my skates off then and there.  Then I took my walk of shame over to the sidelines where WeEvil was chilling (she didn't feel well enough to skate) and being so kind as to keep Laura (who will be joining me on Thursdays for the duration of Ben's soccer season) company.  Lucky for me I was smart enough to bring a cooler of ice with me so I iced my knee right away.

So there you have it...my first practice back.

Am I regretting it today?  Physically, yes.  Mentally, no.  It was sheer bliss...up until that stupid choice thing, that is.  My knees are pretty jacked today (even my "good" knee which has a strained "fold" from the awkward gait I had wearing the brace).  My bad knee is feeling pretty fluid filled today.  Luckily I had a PT appointment this morning and Ann gave me a pretty good rub-down and an ultra sound treatment to bring down some of the inflammation.  I probably should not have pushed it so much during PT today as well but dammit I just want to get strong enough to move forward from this. 

But, the good news here is that even though I pulled a dumbass move yesterday my range of motion had improved by 5 degrees from last week meaning that I only have 5 more degrees to regain before I have full range of motion again.  (:

I'll lay low over the weekend so I can get back at it on Tuesday.  And Ann said she would make sure that between she, Brian, and Karin (my awesome PT crew) we will work on getting me back to the point where I can get down and up on my knees.  She also reminded me that in a week or two I can try taking a knee again...this time going down onto my right, which is much more sensible.  Yes, Ma'am.

Physical Therapy

So I started PT today finally.  I got my assessment and a list of home exercises to do.  The assessment went very well, as a matter of fact.

My physical therapist seemed to think that I was already in pretty good shape and that my knee should strengthen up in no time enough to compensate for the lack of tendon.  Apparently I still have some mild swelling in the back of the joint (but I think the straps on the brace are at least partly to blame for that) but no more than that and I only have a 10 degree difference in range of motion between the two legs (very good) and no excessive motion in the joint.  I'm only going to see her once a week and I got clearance to hit the gym as often as I feel like it between sessions.  I just have to steer clear of weight bearing cardio and stick to the bike or walking the treadmill.  I can do light strength training as long as it causes me no pain or discomfort.  Yay!

Guess where I will be tomorrow morning?

However, she did ask me to stay off the skates for at least 1-2 more weeks.  She wants to get me running on a treadmill first to see how my knee responds to impact as well as get me in the pool for some hydro therapy exercise before I skate.  She doesn't think I am at risk for further injury in day to day tasks and walking but does worry about another fall.  I promised her I would stay off for another week for sure and that I would not be getting back on skates until I get a nice new set of pads and gaskets...I will be the queen of knee protection from here on out. 

The one funny from today was when she measured my leg circumference.  It turns out my left leg is bigger around than my right.  Tee hee.  I guess I am really turning into a derby girl of sorts after all.

Meh...

I haven't updated in a while...there hasn't been anything to update.  This whole knee thing sucks ass.  I've been in a holding pattern lately that I am dying to be able to break free of.

I've been a good girl and attended all my practices even though it bums me out to just sit on the sideline watching everyone else improve and have fun.  It's so hard to feel connected while sitting there as I am still so new that I don't have a social connection with any of the girls outside of derby...and we barely know each other in that respect as of yet.  But yet I refuse to stay home and be forgotten. 

I have tried to be positive about getting back on skates as soon as I can and have stocked up on bandannas and made up some practice shirts.  I now have both a black and a white racerback tank with my derby name and number applied to the back in team colors by little old me using iron-on transfers and fabric paint.  The black one is exceptionally cute as I blinged it up some with a crystal skull and crossbones.  *sigh*  Hopefully soon I will get to wear them...

And the verdict is...

I have a ruptured PCL.  Boo.

Now I am all braced up like Forrest Gump and won't be skating for at least another week.  The good news is that I don't need surgery and it's a sports brace so I can skate in it once I get full range of motion back.  I guess I will go through one week of rehab first before I get back up on my wheels just to be safe (but I don't wanna wait!)...and I should recover fully with no lasting problems.

My leg, part deux...

So, After a night or R.I.C.E. I got up Friday and knew right away bad things were going on with the knee I had knocked against the concrete at practice.  I could not bend it at all.  Not an inch.  Not without pain.

So I called my doctor and set an appointment up for later that afternoon to get it checked out and went about the rest of the morning laying in bed irritated as can be that I was laid up.  Then I got up to pee.  I managed to hobble my way to the bathroom and proceeded to sit on my dear old porcelain throne.

Dear.  God.  PAIN.

I kid you not, I let out the mother of all horror queen screams when my knee bent to sit.  I nearly blacked out.

My poor darling husband (who I think seriously sprouted about 100 new gray hairs instantly) came running into the room to see me bawling my eyes out and screaming at him to help me straighten my leg back out.  At the door were two little voices asking if Mommy was okay.  Bad scene, my friends, bad scene.

So, the decision was quickly made that we were just going to mosey on down to the ER instead of waiting to see my doctor.

Getting me down the stairs and into the car was an adventure in itself.  I couldn't put a stitch of weight into that leg.  But we managed, somehow. 

So fast forward to the ER...I got x-rays done and the initial results were that there were no broken or dislocated bones.  So they wrapped me hip to toe in a leg immobilizer device, decked me out with a pair of crutches, and sent me on my way with a prescription for Vicodin/Lortabs and a referral to an orthopedic specialist. 

So now we fast forward once again to today...I saw the ortho and the initial diagnosis is that it is the ridiculous amount of swelling in my knee causing me to be unable to bend it.  So I was told to remove the brace (but to sleep in it for comfort), keep using the crutches, take large doses of Ibuprofen to reduce swelling, and continue R.I.C.E.ing it.  I will be returning tomorrow for an MRI.

Tomorrow we hope to determine which of two possible prognoses it is.  The one I am pulling for is a deep bone bruise.  For a bone bruise I simply lay low until I can comfortably skate again.  The other prognosis is that I may have torn the meniscus in that knee (the cartilage).  If that is the case then I will likely have to undergo surgery and be laid up and off skates for 4-6 months.  Noo!!!  That would be a really crushing blow. 

I am fervently praying and hoping they tell me it's a bone bruise (or maybe not even that..?) and I can get back to skating in a week or two.  Until then I will still go to practices and help at Saturday's bout any way I can.  I may be down but I am not out, dammit!

Return of the dreaded broccoli...

Famous last words: "Sure, I'll be the sacrificial lamb and go first".   But we'll come back to that...

So, tonight we practiced at the Toyota Center (where the team bouts) so that was pretty awesome.  It's the home to our local minor league ice hockey team and they had removed the ice for the time being so we were skating on concrete.  No biggie there.  Actually it was intriguing to me to feel the difference in grip between it and the concrete we normally skate on outdoors...much better feel at the TC, maybe because it was so dirty.

So the first thing they were doing was to do some small jumps while skating laps.  There were both pool noodles and some square cushions at various intervals around the taped off track. 

Come again..?  You what me to what..?! 

I did a very good job at avoiding both, lol.  So not feeling the whole jumping while in motion thing.  But since it is a minimum skill requirement, and a handy thing to know when girls are falling left in right in front of you during a bout, I tied a couple noodle jumps.  Yeah.  I suck.  While I did manage not to fall doing them I by no means did them well or right.  I basically did a little skip hop over them and even then was not at all stable in my landings.  Que sera sera.  I'll conquer them...eventually.

Next up was doing some crossover technique work.  The bane of my existence.

As a pack we all skated in a line doing crossovers.  As usual I was pulling up the rear and struggling on my technique.  Several of the girls as well as the coaching and ref staff were giving me tips and pointers and trying to help me along.  Still no go so Frank pulled me off to the side to help and get me going better.  After he went off to coach the pack as a whole one of the refs (I wanna say his name is Jacob but I can't remember for sure) also worked with me.  Still not getting it.  I kept telling them...the information is there but I can't for the life of me translate it into my body doing as it should.  Finally Mouth comes over to work more on crossovers with me and a couple other freshies.  And in doing so he has us go about it a little differently by gliding on our left then sort of hopping onto our right in a crossover motion.

Hallelujah, we figured it out!  Or, more precisely, Mouth did.

I finally managed to find the words to describe the sensation I was feeling when trying to crossover.  It's like as my right leg comes over and I a edging on my left and getting ready to lift it I feel a catch, like maybe I have some bad bearing in one of the wheels kind of grinding me to a halt.  This causes me to do the little 'donkey kick' Mouth has been trying to get me to correct.  This happens every time I try to crossover as well as periodically while I am simply skating along.  Me left foot seems to catch on some invisible thing and halt my momentum dead in it's tracks.

It's not me.  It's my skates.

It's my crappy, cheapo skates.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I knew it!

Apparently the trucks on my skates have zilcho clearance.  My wheels, as I am edging (or leaning hard to one side, in layman's terms) are literally grinding into the sole of my skate boot.  So much so, that when I do a cross over it causes my left front wheel to stop turning at a certain point because my foot is actually pressing down onto it as if I were standing on it (which I basically am).  Good catch by Mouth!

So I tightened my left front truck as much as I could, while still retaining circulation in those toes, and tried again. (side note for my non-skaters: the truck holds your wheels on...a loose truck allows your foot to lean over the wheels more giving you more maneuverability.  To drastically tighten them makes it so your foot can't really lean in the skate and decreases your manueverability.).  Nicey nice.  Suddenly I could do crossovers!

Now my left foot felt more stable and without my wheels being stepped on I was doing it and doing it pretty well!  What a relief.  Man, I am going to be able to keep up so much better now.  Not fully, since my endurance still sucks...but better.  I'll take it.   =-)

We did some down and ups for strength training and some hitting drills.  WeEvil and I were having fun trying to knock each other around a bit tonight...I even sent her sprawling once(!).  I also picked up some more tasty nuggets on how to step into a hit and keep low enough.  I did some decent positional jockeying against WeEvil as well, I think.  I like working with her at practices because even though she doesn't bout for ACRG just yet she has done bouting in the past so she's a wealth of information and very encouraging when drilling.

And finally we return to my famous last words.  At the end of practice Mouth grabbed a big blocker pad to knock us over with.  The idea was for him to come up from behind and hit us with it hard enough to knock us over so we can get used to taking a hit and falling small and safe.  So I decided to be the first in line...and it would have gone swimmingly had I noticed the shift in my knee pads.  But, alas, I did not remember to properly adjust them before starting (they've stretched some and no longer fit over my kneecaps as snuggly as they should so they slide about some).  And so when I landed, on my knees as I should, my right knee hit more concrete than it did pad. 

Ouch.

Seriously...ouch.

But, I got back up.  Then I decided I was done for the day.  Leg straight = good.  Leg bent = much discomfort.  I couldn't even move my leg enough to get my skate off at first.  But I managed and got out of my gear and up on my feet.  I even made it home...although I did all the braking with my left leg, lol.

I came straight home and got started with the Rest Ice Cold Elevation technique and we'll see how it feels in the morning.  As of now, it doesn't hurt when I am still or standing on it.  It only hurts (and feels weird) when I bend it.  But no visible marks, swelling, or bruising.  So...here's hoping!

And yes, Mouth, it did give me something to write about (you smartass).

Scrimmages...

Last night's practice was a lot of hard pushing endurance and scrimmaging bouts (in preparation for our upcoming bout next weekend)...man did it wipe my ass out!

Normally we start up with 25 laps then a stretch out but last night the team leaders pushed us all on some hard moving pace line drills for a good long while.  I can't tell you how long precisely but I can tell you it was a Hell of a lot more than 25 laps.  Since I am still too slow to keep up with pace line I skated the outside with some of the other freshies.  At one point we were going to head off to the side to lay out cones to practice our weaving and cutting but then Mouth informed us that if the rest of the pack were pushing it then we had to as well and sent us back to the outside for more laps.  And, he was right...in retrospect I am glad he didn't let us off that easy.  It was very tiring, especially so since it was a very windy day.  Struggling against 20 mph winds sucks.  By the end my legs were shaky, my back hurt like hell (skating an oval half bent and half twisted in one direction wreaks havoc on your lower back), and I was panting like  a dog, lol.

The bulk of the practice was spent scrimmaging against each other.  Mostly we did freshies (I am the 'rawest' of the freshies but they use the term to describe anyone who has yet to bout) versus veterans.  Frank (the coach) prepped us by saying that if he felt anyone of us was a danger to ourselves or the rest of the pack, or were simply not able to keep up as we should, he would tap us out and put us to outside laps rather than scrimmaging.  So I was pretty well sure that I would scrimmage once then get sent to laps again.

I was very surprised that he didn't tap me out after my first attempt at scrimmaging...I was about a half a lap behind the rest of the pack the entire time.  Man, those girls fly!  They were going especially fast (for a pack) because the vets were not playing with a jammer (and therefore had no reason to slow down).  But, while I heard a few shouts from the sidelines to move my feet, I did not get sent for laps so I waited my turn for a second go round.

In all subsequent turns I kept up better.  Still slow in comparison but able to push it hard enough to stay within 20 feet of the pack.  I didn't get any real solid hits in but I did get a couple of decent bumps on a few girls.  I did, at one point, have their jammer (when they started using one) positionally blocked even if for a brief shining second.  If there had been another member of my team there with me to keep her trapped it would have been an awesome play.  And on several occasions I even managed to squirt up to the front of the opposing team's wall to try to slow/control them...I'm not effective at holding people back yet but it's nice to know I can get forward enough to try.

I never got tapped out.  Yay!  And at the end Frank came up to tell me that I had done a really good job.  Super yay! 

It was a great practice as I learned a lot about the game and bouting.  I also picked up some good nuggets to store away for future use from some of the vets about how to better myself.  Good times!

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I also got to participate in my first team meeting on Monday.  I was intimidated at first, being the n00b and all, but it was great to feel like an active participant.  I may not be able to bout or even keep up in all the practice drills yet but I am determined to be an asset to the team in any way that I can off skates as well.

Cruz to the rescue...

Tuesday's practice was a good one.  I was dreading it a bit since my wrist still hurts some and I know how much Bunny hates excuses...and since my wrist is not wrapped telling her I couldn't do any sort of hitting drills probably looked like nothing more than an excuse to her (do we bring doctor's notes to derby??).  That and also because I had loosened my trucks some which made me nervous.  Loose trucks feel super wobbly to me and even though I know I need to get more comfortable with them for a variety of reasons I was still leery of skating in a pack with them like that.

I also still felt like a total douche after having to be pushed and pulled by the team leaders during pack drills in order to keep up.  My pride still stings from that one. 

Thankfully Bunny didn't seem too put off when I told her I couldn't do any hitting drills.  Also Cruz and Keela were there as well and Keela isn't able to do much pack practice due to a knee injury...so it just made more sense for us to head off to the side of the court to do some drills on our own.

Bunny came over at one point and gave us a little pep talk and let us know that she did not expect us to be able to keep up, cut hard, hit hard, or manage all of the drills yet.  That was nice to hear.  It's nice to be part of a team lead by women that genuinely seem to want you to succeed.  I read other blogs by freshies who are part of bigger organizations where it's "hit such and such milestone by such and such date or hit the road until next year's freshie training camp" so I feel grateful that the ACRG leadership is so willing to keep you around until you get it...or, if you simply can't, find some way in which you can still be a part of the fun.

So Cruz took the helm and lead the three of us in some basics.  It was good to do some more basic muscle building drills like sticky crossovers, knee drops, and weaving.  Turns out I have been leading with the wrong foot while weaving so I did even learn something new.  Thanks to Cruz's drilling I even learned where I was screwing up while doing my plow stops so I feel much more confidant in that and can stop a lot quicker. 

She was even making plans with me to meet a little early for tonight's practice so she could count off and time my 25 laps so I can get an idea of where I am with that minimum requirement.  The problem is that it has been raining all day so I can't imagine how icky the court is.  The rain has stopped but I am sure the court has to be puddled up...and it's cold and windy.  It feels closer to March than June out there today...bleck!

Also, Karen (who is officially out due to a tailbone injury) is selling me her Poison's today for $10 less than anything online.  Woot woot!!  I have been itching to get my hands on some quality wheels, yay!

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Also...I think I have decided on upgrading to the Sure Grip Rebel Invaders.  They're leather, so they will hold up better, but also padded so they should be a lot more comfortable than what I am rolling on now.  They also have the DA45 plates that Mouth is so in love with.  I'm looking forward to having a more solid metal plate rather than a cheapo nylon one (not that nylon is bad...but the ones on my skates are super-de-duper cheap) but am a little nervous about the fact that they are forward mounted.  I tend to lean back some while doing crossovers so I fear my ass will be meeting the concrete while I grow accustomed to having my wheels more centered beneath my feet...but I also know that I won't be able to help but correct my form then.  And they're going to be so much more responsive than the  ones I have now...I will probably try to go a little to the left and end up across the court a few times before I learn their nuances, heh. 

So now the choice is green boots or black.  Decisions, decisions...

Ouch...

Man, do I ever hurt! 

I hurt bad enough that I went and had my 1st derby related x-ray today.  Rock on.

How did that happen, you might ask?  Well, now...in case you have forgotten, roller derby is a full contact sport and I am now starting to make some contact.

I am now starting to drill with the pack.  This is both exciting and terrifying to me.  It's nice to feel like a part of the team but I am also very much aware of the fact that I am not yet possessing the skills I need to perform up to par with them.  I'm like the fat kid in gym class that's forced to climb the rope...class is over but the teacher won't let anyone leave until we all get up the rope and my fat ass simply cannot do it in a timely fashion.  I feel as if someone has thrown me into the deep end before teaching me how to tread water first...not that I haven't been taught the basics.  I have learned a lot from Mouth but there are a lot of things that will only come with time and practice.

I know that the only way to learn is by doing and I am trying my best.  But, damn...these girls skate fast and hard and I am floundering along behind them like a gangly puppy trailing behind it's mother.  It's very humbling.

I know I am faster than I was but I still have a long way to go...and when I get tired I get ugly sloppy.  I can only imagine what the others must think of my skating then because I know I look like a total retard.  I think I need even grippier wheels than what Mouth lent me...I still feel like my wheels are sliding out from beneath me when I push for speed.  I know that a grippier wheel will slow me down even more but I think I need more control now so I can get better form and just have to work a little harder for the speed.

Did I mention that I am getting new gear for my birthday next month?  CANNOT WAIT!

Anywho, we did some drilling to try and push an opponent out of bounds on the curve first.  I sucked at that.  I am still so afraid of totally wiping out that I am not allowing myself to skate close enough to the opposing player to take them out effectively.  I have to get my head into the game of rough and tumble and find some killer instincts.  We also did some blocking wall drills and I think I did okay on those.  I did some blocking and hitting and I think I somewhat held my own.  But when I got knocked down I had a hard time catching back up to the pack to get back into position.  I also have to fix my form and keep better control of my arms...were it a bout I would have been in the penalty box A LOT for forearms and back blocking.  Whoops.

We did some pace lines and line passing drills too.  I sucked even harder on those.  Wanna know what embarrassing is?  It's being so damn slow and clunky that two of the best players on the team are pushing and pulling you along in order to keep you with them.  While I appreciated that kindness I felt like a complete schmuck for needing it.  Ahhh...to have an 'instant ability' button to push...

So, we did a drill where all the girls line up two by two and a bit staggered to form an aisle for a jammer to skate through.  We all took turns jamming through the aisle while the girls on either side hip bumped us.  Surprisingly enough I made it through the aisle unscathed and managed not to fall.  It was when the drill was nearly over and one of the last girls was coming through that I got jacked up.  Rather than me bumping her in passing she kinda came at me straight on and just knocked me flat on my ass.  Hard.  Welcome to derby, biotch.

My ass, by the way, still hurts like a champ.  But since I can still walk and sit I am not too concerned about a tailbone injury.  It hurt but I got back up and shrugged it off and went back to the business of practice.  By the time we ended the practice with a modified version of the game Red Rover I had pretty much forgotten about my fall.  But when we reconvened at the center of the track for our end of practice ab routine it was brought to my attention that I had also hurt my wrist when I fell after I took my wrist guards off.  My left wrist definitely took a nice knock, guard or not, when I fell. 

By the time I got home it was really tender to the touch, but I still had full mobility so I figured I would sleep on it and see how it felt in the morning.  And by this morning it still hurt like a mother so off to the doctor I went.

It's tender on one side and mildly inflamed so we did x-rays.  The doctor suspects that I probably have a very small hairline fracture but I'll have to wait on x-ray results...if it needs treatment he'll call me tomorrow, otherwise I am to rest it and stay off skates until the next practice on Tuesday.  Unless it's a very visible fracture he's not going to wrap it or cast it since I can grasp and move it yet (although squeezing with that hand hurts like mad).  I kind of figured the doctor would tell me derby was too rough and that I should find a new hobby but he actually thought it was really cool and told me to have fun and be more careful. 

So I guess this long weekend I will lay low and work on plyometrics to strengthen my skate muscles and some core routines. 

Working hard...

Last night we worked hard and I am hurting like Hell today.  That could, of course, be partly due to my ugliest fall yet.  Grace is not my middle name.

We did a lot of work doing crossovers around a small circle of cones (which I really need to work on) and my skates felt wonky, for lack of a better term.  My right skate felt really shaky and loose.  I should have known that it was my trucks...those things constantly vibrate themselves half off.  Yet another example of cheap equipment biting me in the ass.  So anyway, the trucks along with the fact that I think my cheap, non-adjustable toe stops being in the way were making it difficult to get a smooth crossover.

And finally the inevitable happened, I fell.  I was trying to sprint back up to speed before the curve so I could do a faster crossover and I felt my toe stop snag the ground (still not sure how I managed that) and before I knew it I was hitting the ground.  Forget falling small, I wiped out in a glorious and painful way...full on belly flop onto concrete while sprinting.  Ouch. 

I totally knocked the wind out of myself and...I admit...worked really hard to hold back tears.  That sucked.  I was very grateful that Mouth (most likely sensing my need for a moment) sent us off for a quick water break.  He wouldn't let us dawdle though and came after us for taking too long.  I even appreciated that as it's far too easy to want to throw in the towel for the day after a fall like that and I knew I needed to get back up on the proverbial horse. 

I did finally show Mouth my trucks and he agreed they were way too loose so I took five to tighten them back up and after that it was a little easier to skate.  My toe guards are still an issue.  We don't really use them much (as freshies at least) so I may remove them before Thursday's practice.  I want to see what my crossovers look like without them dragging the ground.  Dear God...I cannot wait until next month when I can get some quality skates!!!

The rest of the practice we did more crossovers, some hard sprints, some endurance laps around the outside of the track, and some hitting drills.  I have to better my endurance.  If it weren't for the fact that I jacked my left quad up a bit again last night I would go do laps this afternoon, but I want to be my best Thursday so I will rest today rather than push it.  I will do some lunges and squats though and possibly hit up the gym tonight for some full body strength training.

One pleasant side note is that after swapping out my bearings I feel a big difference.  I didn't once have a moment while lapping that I felt like my skates were slowing down on me.  Quite the opposite actually, my skates have so much more roll now that when I am standing still they roll out on me.  Looks like I have to relearn how to stand still, oh my.   (;

Oh...and I don't believe Karen will be back.

End of week three...

Heh...I managed to give myself my 1st "derby" injury last night.  I was sprinting across the rink and doing turning knee slides and somehow managed to bash the wheels of my right skate heel into my left shin while swinging around.  Did I mention that I am in no way graceful?  But, the side note to that drill is that my quads both feel great!  I went down on both (even though my instinct was to avoid using the left one I tweaked the day before) and even managed to get back up hands free from both...woo hoo!  I think that is one hurdle that is, for the most part, behind me on my quest to derby.

Now to jump back to the start of practice last night.  Mouth wanted me to do laps in the pack to warm up...I totally get his reasoning and hope that by end of next week I will be able to do so without feeling like I am going to be run over or trip one of the other girls.  But last night was ugly.  To date I can't just pop onto the oval and get cranking...it takes a few laps of ugly skating to get the groove of my wheels.  Like I said in my last post, part of it has to do with my wheels having no grip.  I did a couple nasty laps and I am quite certain the other girls just wanted me the hell out of their way (I know I would) so I got out of the way and told Mouth that I was having problems because I needed better wheels.  (I have been saving up for them...good wheels cost more than my cheap skates!)  So Mouth pulled me to the side and has so kindly lent me out a set of Radar Flat Outs until I can get my own...he also showed me how to change out the wheels and bearings so I got busy doing that while the other girls finished their laps.

With the new (to me) wheels on and my trucks tightened (I swear the damn things vibrate themselves loose every time I skate) I did some laps outside of the oval.  *insert sound of choir of angels singing here*  After the initial 'whoa, these feel weird' lap there was a remarkable difference in how well my wheels rolled and how they felt on the turns.  Now the only issue I have to overcome when doing my laps, besides overall endurance of course, is the fact that there comes a certain point where I feel like my body has a ton of inertia behind it but my wheels can't keep up and kinda catch.  After doing some research about the ABEC rating and seeing what my bearings looked like (crud covered) my next step is to upgrade my bearings.  You see, my cheap ass skates came with cheap ass bearings.  Bearings are rated 1 (crap) to 9 (awesome) on the ABEC scale and my skates have ABED 1 rated bearings.  The bearings affect how well, fast, and smoothly the wheels roll...changing my bearings out may very well be just what I need to loose that little catch in my glide.

So, since Mouth was awesome enough to lend me some better wheels I used part of what I was saving up towards wheels on a set of Bones Reds bearings.  If what I see online is true (and these have very high ratings from other derby girls) these should be top notch bearings.  As a matter of fact the company lists them as 'skate rated' over using the ABEC scale because, according to the manufacturer, they are specifically designed for skating use and are superior to ABEC 9 rating.  We shall see...hopefully they get here before Tuesday.

I also ordered some gel insoles that are supposedly specifically designed for hockey skates (should work for quads too then, right?) because FUCK do my feet hurt like Hell when I skate!  Another issue of cheap ass skates?  No padding to speak of between your feet and the trucks.

Beyond that practice pretty much was just me off to the side working on weaving cones (no Karen again and Mel popped back and forth between me and the pack), working on stops, and skating a small oval to work on my crossovers.  Aside from skinning my calf on my skate wheel I also had one ugly fall when I nipped a cone while weaving.  I landed really awkwardly with my shoulder twisted and my right arm kinda pulled weird...it's a little off this morning but hasn't affected my mobility so I'm sure it will be 100% tomorrow. 

PS...Mouth had me sprint at the end and said my speed has tripled since I started!  =-)

This weekend I think I will just lay low and maybe hit the gym once for some strength training and then hit the rink again Monday.

Plugging away...

So, Tuesday's practice was a pretty mellow one as Mouth wasn't there and Mel and I (Karen was a no show) were pretty much left to our own devices.

We did get some good technical advice on a few things from both Split and Frank...and hopefully Split will be lending me out some grippy wheels until I can save up enough to purchase some of my own (I have been skating on very hard indoor wheels when I need a much grippier outdoor wheel for our polished concrete outdoor track).  And Cruise, who is skating with the pack but not yet bouting, came over to skate with us some and we got some ideas of what the minimum skills we should be working on are.

Mostly Mel and I did some weaving, scooter pushes, lateral movement, and crossover work. We definitely didn't bust our asses without Mouth, but I know that I for one needed a more mellow practice that night as one of my ass muscles was a little tweaked.  (Really?  My ASS muscle?  Only me, seriously.)

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The next day I went out to the track with my daughter in tow to work on my endurance some.  I started out by doing 25 laps and trying to improve my crossovers some.  I think once I get a grippier wheel I will improve on those, as it stands now my wheels slide too much on the motion for me to comfortably extend my legs enough to really propel myself.  And let me just say, I consider it an overall improvement to my skating that I can tell it's my wheels slipping and not just my suckiness that is holding me back!

I didn't time myself, but I was very pleased with the fact that I got all 25 in without needing to stop.  Now, I was beat by the end and my feet, as usual, were killing me after that.  But I did them!

I worked a little on one foot glides and weaves...I can go around half the track on my right alone (yay) but I still need to build up my balance and strength on my left leg as I can go straight but I lose it when I try to turn and weave on it.

I also worked on improving my T and plow stops and my baseball slides.  I am still working on popping back up onto my skates without placing my hands on the ground.  I can do it when using my right leg, but again it's my left leg that seems weaker so I can't do it on lefty just yet.  I need to get faster for sure but at least I look less like a retard now that I can at least do it.

And I made sure to end my 40 minute practice (about all my 2 year old's attention span can take before she turns into a raging lunatic begging to go to the playground, lol) by doing another 25 laps as fast as I could.  Now, by the last 10 laps it was pretty ugly and sloppy...but I did them without stopping.  Slowly but surely improving.  =-)

Of course, don't you know that once my right quad finally feels like a million bucks...even after sliding all over the place on that knee...I moved funny and pulled my left one.  *sigh*  At least I know that it will get better soon enough and until then I can skate through it.

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Looking forward to tonight's practice.  I hope it's warm enough to don my new booty shorts, lol!

Holy wind, Batman!

So I tried to be a good girl and went out to the outdoor rink today with the intent of getting at least an hour of practice in.  I took my little girl with me and put her on her trike on the far side where she was content to pedal around in circles while I did my thing.

The first thing I had to do was chase off some obnoxious kids.  The rink was blissfully empty when I got there but by the time I finished lacing up a gaggle of kids that were about 8-12 ran up with a variety of toys ranging from razor scooters to pogo sticks.

*sigh*

I called out to them that I planned on doing laps on the oval and asked that they please stick to the surrounding areas so I would not risk ramming into any of them (none of which were wearing helmets, bad parents!).  Oh...that lasted about 25 seconds before the first kid cut in front of me on a diagonal.  Okay...I gotta learn to skate with a pack and all but generally speaking I am pretty sure in derby you go the same direction and stick to the track rather than cut in, out, and across it.  Totally not going to work.

So now I jumped into Mommy mode and politely explained to the kids that they simply could not be on the track with me if they were going to behave so dangerously.  I also ixnayed the pogo sticks completely.  The last thing I need is a kid bouncing at me out of nowhere!

It took a few tries but I finally got through to the oldest one there that if they were going to share the rink with me they needed to be respectful of my safety and theirs and either go to the far end of the rink where my 2 year old was smart enough to stay, stick to the outside of the oval, or leave altogether.  And off they went for the barren basketball court to play.  Finally!

I got 25 warm up laps in (which I did not time) and even got a little more comfortable with the motion of crossovers.  Then I worked on one leg glides.  During so I managed to consistently cross the half-court on one leg on a straight path.  I also laid out some of the general Mommy crap my purse manages to consume no matter how often I clean it out so I could work on weaving.  That proved difficult simply because my daughter kept trying to help me by cleaning up said mommy crap and redepositing it into my purse.  What a good little helper...too bad I can't get her to clean at home!  However, the few times I did succeed in keeping my course on the ground I did good. 

I tried a few touch and go lunges but my legs just aren't strong enough to do that just yet.  We'll keep at them though until they are. 

By this time my daughter was done on her trike and begging me to take her to the slides.  As much as I wanted to go longer she is 2, after all, and had been really good for me so it was time to let her have some fun too.  I wanted to end my time by trying my hand at 25 laps in 5 minutes but that ended up being a no-go.  The stinking wind was blowing so hard that half the time it felt like I was skating through a muddy bog...it is so hard to skate against a huge wind like that!  It was even making me stutter some on my skates o I gave up on that.  If I can get in 45 minutes at least every other day outside of regular practices I think I'll be doing really good.

Goal Set for May:

• Get off the ground quicker and more fluidly after taking a knee
• Perfect my T-Stop
• Be able to balance and weave on both my right and my left legs
• Continue to improve my stride (point the toes!)
• Learn proper cross overs

Chuggin' along...

Tonight was another fun practice.  For starters, Karen was there (yay!) so that was a pleasant surprise.  And the most splendid surprise of all..?  My quads, for the first time, were not shrieking at me!!  Now, they still ache because I am beating the shit out of them, but it's just your normal run of the mill muscle pain rather than the level of Hell it has been.  Nicey nice.

We did scooter pushes again...my goal is to be able to do them without having to pause to ease up on the leg I am bearing down on.  I think my form is getting better at those, I just need more strength and endurance.

We tried weaving a short course on one leg.  I was pleased to see that I could go straight across the short part of the rink on one foot, so my balance is coming a long some.  But once it came to weaving the course I saw where my biggest downfall is where that is concerned...I really have to do some work on my left leg strength.  There was a definite discrepancy between my legs in the level of difficulty at squatting down and staying on one leg while also shifting my weight to weave.  I see some one leg squats and presses in my near future along with the normal two leg variety.

We did quite a bit of lateral work tonight.  I actually really love that.  I rock at it...if I do say so myself.  I had another little boost to my ego then because I was able to go up and down the line at a pace much quicker than the other girls...and with very little forward roll.  By the end of that set of drills I even managed a couple short sets of lateral skips, go me! 

We worked on knee lunges too.  I hate that but only because I simply can't get back up off the ground without using my hands yet.  I feel like a slow lumbering beast when I have to get back up off the ground.  Thankfully that is a skill I can work on at home so I hope to make some big improvements on that by the end of  the month.

The best part of the night by far was working on 'falling small'.  In derby you fall a lot and get knocked down on your ass even more often.  And since you're generally skating in a group of a dozen women (give or take) you need to train yourself to instinctively fall in such a manner that you do not pose a hazard to yourself or those around you...if you splay your arms and legs you could get rolled over and get hurt, trip another girl and hurt her, or both.  So when you fall you want to pretty much tuck into yourself as much as you can (and keep those fingers in a fist so they don't get broken) and be less of a danger on the track.

What is it about throwing yourself to the ground that is so much fun??!

Seriously had a blast with that drill!  We skated as hard as we could then just went down, trying to stay small.  God bless knee and elbow pads!  Worth every penny I spent.  We also worked on our baseball style slides...nailed it!  I love falling drills.  Again...amazing how much difference being pain free makes.

Mouth ended our practice by wearing us the fuck out!  We skated a small oval (BTW...just about finally getting the hang of cross overs!  YAY!) and he would stop us randomly to do 25 of one of the following: crunches, mountain climbers, fast feet (where you stamp you r feet as fast as you can until he says stop), or barrel rolls.  Great cardio!  After that we joined the pack for another 150 crunches.  I.  Am.  Beat!

Overall, awesome night.

Oh, nearly forgot to mention this...I totally shredded my laces tonight.  That really cracked me up.  So Rob is going to take the kids shopping this weekend to have them pick me out a couple pairs of skate laces for Mother's Day, lol.

Feeling good...

Tonight I headed out to derby practice not really feeling up to it.  I was tired from getting up too darn early (for me anyway), I had the shakes a bit from having way too much coffee because I got up way too darn early, and in general I was dreading the impending quad pain.  Well, the first lesson of the day is this:  coffee dehydrates you, especially in such deliciously large quantities (I <3 Dutch Bros!), and dehydration leads to things such as charlie horses.  Awesome.  No more large and delicious quantities of double white chocolate mocha soy iced lattes on practice days (sad face).

Second lesson of the day: Powerade is actually quite good at helping said charlie horses caused by dehydration.  I am still a little tight in the calf but was able to power through that little hitch in my giddy up.

And now that we've cleared those little lessons in hydration up lets get onto why I am feeling good tonight...

I started the practice tonight feeling way off on my skates and thought "crap...what's wrong with me?".  It was going to be a very long and ardous practice indeed if I didn't figure out my problem.  I felt like I was really wobbling on my skates and I did not care for the way they were gliding beneath me at all.  After about 3 laps around the track I realized what my problem was: my trucks were too loose. 

Now, the truck are the hickey-ma-doos that your wheels are attached to...and they need to have a little give to the left and the right so you can turn.  After my little outdoor session this weekend I came home and realized that the front truck on my left skate had worked itself way loose.  I tightened it back up some with my handy-dandy skate wrench but then thought that I would go ahead and loosen all the trucks on my skates a turn or two because I have heard tell that most derby girls keep theirs a little loose in order to cut a little sharper on turns.  Well...it turns out I was completely not ready for that much give yet.  Maybe one day, but not today.

So the first order of business was to have Mouth give them a once over for me and he tightened them up some all around and after that my glide felt much more normal.  Whew...that made for a much easier night!

Tonight there was another slab of fresh meat out there with me tonight, well actually there were two.  That was great in several ways which I will delve further into as my blog continues.

Fresh meat #1, Mel, was very nice.  I didn't skate too much with her though as she is an avid in-line skater so she was brought into the pack for most of the practice. 

Fresh meat #2, Karen, was also very nice.  I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed having her with me tonight because she was so wobbly on her skates it helped to point out to me just how much I have improved in such a short time.  It's hard to see and feel like I am improving when I am only able to really compare myself to the team at large because I still suck big ones in comparison.  But having Karen out there was a nice mirror on my own improvements.

For instance, I realized I am much more confidant in my stopping since day one.  I still can't do the t-stop to save my life (but I can plow stop pretty well!) but I am not relying on crashing into the walls to stop myself anymore.  I am also much more confidant picking up speed as well.  And while I still need to improve a lot, my stride is a lot closer to what it should be as well as is my leg extension.  That felt really nice to be able to see that I am getting better already...a much needed boost to my skater self esteem!

The first half of practice Mouth had us doing endurance stuff.  Holy shnikeys did I ever have to grit my teeth and just push through some of that!  Scooter pushes are the devil...and I did a ton of those tonight...but man am I ever going to have rock hard thighs from those bad boys!  (Side note: scooter pushes are when you basically squat down on one leg and use the other, pushing off and out to your side, to propel yourself in a looping circle.  It burns the shit out of your thighs and your ankles!)

Me doing scooter pushes:

Then we worked on our derby squat (to steal Bunny's description: imagine doing the "hover" over a filthy toilet to pee).  Wide legs, bent deep at the knee, butt tucked down, back straight, eyes forward, pressing outward and down at the heel so you don't roll...also a real thigh burner.  Luckily I am very good at including lower back extentions (thanks Sarah!) into my workouts so they really don't make my back ache like it does some of the other girls.

We also did some lateral work...like walking squats from right to left and back.  I also did it while crossing my feet over one another...harder than it sounds while on 8 wheels, I assure you.  That is something that I feel good at and enjoy doing.

Now, the part of the night that really left me feeling accomplished was when doing the scooter pushes Mouth explained to me how to get on edge when turning.  Up until tonight, when I have done drills that involved me turning in a circle such as scooter pushes and even while doing my laps I have felt as if I had to kind of drag  the toe of my inner foot around.  Like it just wasn't fluid.  It felt awkward and it slowed me way down.  Finally I spoke up about it.  I wasn't sure if it was me or my skates causing this...turns out it was me.  He explained to me how I had to really lean and sort of (for lack of a better way to describe it) hang my foot over and to the side of my wheels in the direction in which I wanted to turn.  Finally...the light clicked on and I got it!  It really wears my ankles out, as they still need to strengthen up a lot, but I felt like I could now keep my speed on a turn and not feel like I was going to careen out of control.  Yipee!

Then we really put that new skill to the test by weaving around some cones.  I certainly didn't nail that drill but I did alright.  I gotta say...that one left me feeling really good.  Knowing that just a few short practices ago I could barely go straight without falling down to being able to effectively weave around those cones tonight kicked huge ass!  (still smiling here!)  The only downer during that drill was that poor Karen fell onto her ass hard.  She's kind of skinny so the poor dear doesn't have nearly the natural built-in cushion I am blessed (eh?) with to help pad her landing.  She went to the bathroom to 'blow her nose' right after and I honestly think she went to have a little cry.  I feel awful for her...she really knocked her booty a good one.  When she came back I did my best to encourage her that she was doing well (and she was!) and we stopped weaving and went back to some more derby stance work and lateral drills but she had had enough and ended up leaving shortly thereafter.  I hope to see her again on Thursday but I won't be holding my breath...she looked really discouraged.

After that I went back to weaving and Mel rejoined me.  Then Mouth spread the cones out into a zig zag pattern to weave around.  That really worked my ankles!  It's funny, my right leg seems dominant and stronger than my left in 99% of the drills but during the weaving I was definatly more comfortable utilizing my left as the leader.  Odd.

I ended tonight with the rest of the girls doing core drills (crunches legs flat/legs bent/legs straight up in the air, planks, side crunches, and supermans...where you're flat on your tummy and lifting your legs and arms out) before calling it a night. 

I feel good tonight.  Now, don't get me wrong, my muscles are giving me what-for over the beating I gave them, but I feel really good.  Tonight was the boost I so deperately needed to keep my ass at it.  I am looking forward to Thursday!

And ya know what?  Mouth was kind enough to go easy on my quads so no broccoli tonight!  Woot woot!

Taking it off road...

Today I took my little girl out for a ride in the stroller...with my skates on.  I thought this might be a great way for me to get comfortable with some speed and work on my stance and stride without the fear of falling and my shakiness holding me back (since I would have something to hold onto).

It was a great idea in theory but not as great as I would have hoped in reality. 

The walking path that I chose was one that I remembered as being well paved and wide enough to keep me from careening into other pedestrians while on my way.  It turns out that it was certainly wide enough but the smooth roll I had hoped for wasn't there for over 50% of the journey.  There was a lot of general detritus on the path such as twigs, rocks, and tons of goose poop.  There were also a lot of areas where the pavement was really rough beneath my wheels or cracked and pushing up.

Not that any of that was too terrible on it's own.  But I am a novice on my wheels and my stroller, while awesome for cruising the mall, is completely wrong for such an undertaking.  So all in all it took a lot of concentration on my part to keep from toppling the both of us over onto our sides.  But I suppose that was somewhat of a good thing as one of my goals is to build up my ankle strength and I definately gave them a workout today. 

We went a little over a mile and a half before I decided that I had had enough.  Mostly the decision was based on the fact that I had really scared the piss out of myself by managing to slip my foot up beneath the back wheel of the stroller and narrowly avoided dumping my poor baby over onto her side stroller and all(!).  But one thing that I do have going for myself is that even though I may loose it after everything is said and done I am very cool and collected in crisis mode.  I very quickly thought to aim us off the path and into the grass where we came to an ugly, but safe, stop so I could dislodge my skate and get us rolling properly again.  But, like I said, I decided at that point that it was time to let Laura play on the swings a bit and end our stroll for the day.

I did manage to get a little more skate related fitness in at home afterwards too.  I did a short pilates routine aimed at strengthening my quads along with some wall sitting and even strapped on my skates to crouch in to the derby stance some to get my body used to that...my legs aren't strong enough to hold that pose for more than a minute at a time yet but I will keep plugging away at it.  I also worked on some of my lateral moves with my skates on as well.  One of my goals is to get my legs strong enough that I can do my pilates routine with my skates on...soon, Lonestar, soon.

Not too shabby...

Alright...I may just survive this after all!  I broke out my beloved frozen broccoli when I got home last night and immediately got down to the business of stretching my quads.  I alternated between the two until bedtime then I curled my legs up under a warm heating pad while I slept. 

By Jove, I think I've got it!

My legs are a little tight and mildly achy today but overall good to go.  I think I have found my post practice routine.  Rock on!

Today we'll be laying low because my little monkey man had his adenoids removed this morning...at most I'll do some stretching and maybe a few yoga poses between snuggles with him.  Tomorrow hopefully I will be able to leave him at home hanging out with Daddy so I can head out to a park and strap on the skates for an hour or so and work my ankle strength a bit.  I figure that pushing Laura in her stroller down the trails might be a great way to work on getting my skating stride perfected...hopefully I won't run anyone down!

Third practice...

That brings me to tonight, my third practice.  My quads still hurt, but I have mobility in them.  That's a start.

In an attempt to bring my inner athlete out I have tried to be proactive about my pain.  I wrapped my right quad, I stretched out before even leaving home, and I took some preemptive Tylenol.  Ready or not here I come.

I got there and started my laps.  Still shaky and still a little achy but doing alright at the start.  I am definitely slow and lumbering.  For every 3 laps the team does I do 1.  But I do them.

Then it was time to take a knee.  I was worried.  I thought I would play it smart and go down on the left leg and spare my right leg any more pain.  Crap...now my left quads hurt just as bad as my right!!  Quick realization: my quads are too weak and too tight.  Note to self...time for some yoga to stretch them and some strength training geared specifically for them.  As for tonight's practice, there will be no repeats of Tuesday.  Time to suck it up!

So I stretched to the best of my ability pain and all and got to the business of practice. 

The coach wasn't there so the assistant coach (Mouth) was busy getting the team moving so the other newbie and I went off to the side and started doing some of the work he had taught us before.  Her name is Hollyanna and I am so glad she's there to learn with.

By about 15 minutes in not only did my quads hurt but my ankles were screaming at me to make it stop.  Damn, skates are really heavy!  Deep breaths and keep moving...time to make my inner athlete earn it.  We started doing scooter pushes at Mouth's urging and I was so much slower than the 3 other trainees with me.  I had to rest my ankles frequently...but I kept chugging along.

After a while we were called over to the team to join in on some relays.  The gist of it was to skate one on one down to the other end of the rink then do some push-ups and race back (we did crunches the 2nd round).  I was nervous.  Not about the skating.  Not about the push-ups or crunches.  I was scared to death of going down on my knees to stop and get to the ground...I was sure my quads were going to rip to shreds!  Whew!  I was a wreck on the inside!

My turn quickly came and it was time to go big or go home.  So I did it.  It hurt...but my quads are miraculously still attached to my skeleton.  And I was able to get up and race back.  And I did my second round too.  It was big and it was scary (to me anyway) but I did it and it felt good.  Okay, not physically, but mentally...where it matters most.

After that Bunny (the team captain) had us doing a drill where we raced around the track at varying speeds (I kept outside so my slowness wouldn't trip anyone of course) then at her command slide to the ground flat onto our fronts.  Yikes...another big scary.  Even though I don't skate very fast yet I am still going fast enough that dropping like that is not something my body wants to do on command.  It wasn't pretty...but I did it!

Yay me. 

By the second hour I no longer felt my ankles and my quads were a nagging ache more so than a raging pain.  I made it through the whole practice and I think I did okay.  Not great, but not awful.

Rome wasn't built in a day...and neither is a derby girl.  I am going to keep plugging away and hope that a few months down the line I will be one of the girls skating inside the track rather than outside of it.

Getting my head into the game...

The next day I feel better and can move with minimal pain.  I still feel like a complete shit for skipping out early though.  I thought "How can you be a roller girl if you can't play through a little pain?". 

Seriously.  Girls that give themselves names like Mount Crushmore and Sk8er Bitch don't go limping home when they get a little sore.  What the hell was my problem?

And it dawned on me.  I am a couch potato.  I have always been a couch potato. 

I was never the girl to join in on sports.  I didn't play on a single team.  I was the girl who watched and thought it was cool and probably a lot of fun...and also a lot of work and a lot of commitment and a lot of hassle.  I always had something better to do.  You know, like go suck down too many chili dogs and make fun of the other girls.  I was never one for athletics.

Roller derby was going to be tough.  It was athletic, very athletic.  If I was going to actually do this thing I needed to find my inner athlete.  Certainly she had to be there somewhere...buried underneath all those layers of fat.  Right?  Right?!

If I didn't get my head into the game I was never going to make it past shaky skater to derby girl.  And I did want to be a derby girl.  I had never done anything like this before and it was time I actually got my fat ass up off the couch and made it happen!  I can do this.  Other girls just as out of shape and long off the skates as I am have done it...all I need is to do is put my mind to it. 

It's not going to be easy.  But dammit...I am going to try and I am going to put my whole self into it!

My second practice

So, practice number two rolled around 5 days after the first.  I was still feeling it a little in my legs (especially my right thigh due to a klutzy moment at home between practices) but I figured I would loosen right back up.  I was pumped and ready to rock.

I did a couple of practice laps on the outside of the rink while the team did their warm-up laps.  No worries.  Then we gathered to the middle to take a knee and then do some stretches.  Holy.  Freaking.  Crap.

It felt as if my right thigh exploded. 

Did I mention I had a klutzy moment the day before?  I slipped on the stairs and while I didn't fall head over heels I ended up in an awkward half split with my right leg bent behind me.  Oh...and did I also mention that since I never iced or stretched out my muscles after the first practice they were still a bit sore as it was.  Yeah.  I was not prepared for the beating my body was ready to undertake.

So back to the pain.  It took my breath away.  But, I didn't want to let on to all the tough girls surrounding me that I wanted to cry so I just tried to go about my business and stretch some. 

The we got back up and went on to some skating.  Us newbies were just doing some laps under the watch of the assistant coach and I just wasn't even feeling up to that.  I did a few laps and hung in there for about 30  minutes then decided that was that. 

I threw in the towel.

And I slunk away.  I felt like a giant ass the second I got into the car for not sucking it up and finishing practice.  I let the couch potato win.  I got a boo boo so home I went with my tail between my legs.

Once home I turned to Dr. Google and came to the conclusion I had pulled my quad muscle (the rectus femoris to be precise).  I read on and learned the RICE method of healing (rest, ice, compression, elevation).  So I grabbed my frozen broccoli and limped to the couch.  I spent that night and the next day alternating between icing and stretching.  Surprisingly...it helped.  A lot.

My first practice

 My first practice was fun.  I was shaky as can be on my skates but I toughed it out and worked hard.  I had a couple of falls (some were even intentional) but left feeling amazing!  Sure, I was like a baby trying to walk for the first time, but I hung in there.  There was another newbie (aka fresh meat) with me so it was nice to see that I was not alone in my suckiness.  It seemed like I was getting things pretty well and all I needed to do was get better balance and all would fall into place.

It was empowering.

The high was awesome!  I went to bed that night thinking I was the king high shit and I would be ready to get a uniform on and bout in no time at all.  I freaking rocked!

Then I woke up.  Really.  Damn...my legs hurt!  Holy crap, who knew I even had muscles there?!  Did you know?  I didn't.  My quads hurt the most (that's the upper thigh muscles).  I couldn't even lift my legs to put them on the coffee table in front of me.  I laid low for the next couple of days and didn't do much of anything except some light treadmill walking at the gym.  My next practice was just around the corner and I was going to be ready even if I was a little sore still...or so I thought.

And so my journey begins...

And so I sit here...alternating between holding bags of frozen broccoli against my upper thighs and laying on the floor stretching my legs thinking "what the hell have you gotten yourself into girl??".  My quads are aching and sore and my ankles are feeling tight.  As a professional couch potato I am not accustomed to such sensations.

So, what exactly have I gotten myself into?

Two words: Roller Derby.

Roller derby has always intrigued me...a bunch of badass women rolling around the track and trying to knock each other down and score points.  They wear awesome uniforms, have killer fun names, and look like they are having the time of their lives out there!  What girl wouldn't want to be a roller girl??

So, when I moved this past winter and found myself with no friends and no life I came across a site for the local derby team.  I thought "Wow!  I always wanted to do this...cool!".  Then I saw the recruitment site and saw that they were willing to take on any woman...even those that couldn't skate...and train them.  Awesome.  Hell, I used to skate all the time as a kid!  Sweet!  It's gotta be like riding a bike, right?  A few laps around and I'll be right back in that groove again. 

Yeah...it doesn't work that way.  At.  All.

When you're a kid you can skate for days without a hitch.  You go to bed tired and wake up the next day and strap those puppies back on to conquer the block again.  Oh...to have the muscles of a kid again!

As an adult, however, especially one who rides the couch with the best of them, not so much.

But I am going to try.  Lucky for me I have a husband who is by nature very athletic to encourage me and push me along.  One of the few people who didn't give me the "you're out of your freaking gourd" look when I told him of my intentions.  Quite the opposite, actually.  He was pretty pumped that I wanted to do it.  I am sure the thought of me in little spandex booty shorts and fishnets is likely contributing to his excitement, but that's fine by me.  I'm pretty pumped about the booty shorts and fishnets too actually.  (:

What I am really hoping to gain from this, however, is something new.  Something that is an adventure.  Something that I can look back on and say "I earned that".

I have never been athletically inclined...I started hitting the gym in the last year to shed some of my far too easily acquired weight and that's already a pretty big achievement.  I try to be dedicated to it but find it far too easy to come up with reasons why I should not go.  When I am getting there regularly I find myself looking forward to it and loving it but when I miss a few days my old ways creep back in and the motivation flees from me causing me to skip far too often.  Here now is something that will help with my overall fitness and keep me accountable while doing so as I have to attend so many practices in order to be a part of it.

And as a mother of two small children nothing is mine.  Not my food, not my clothes, not my time, not my body, not my thoughts (as they are forever interrupted causing me to often seem half retarded)...nothing.  As a stay at home mother I am in mommy mode 24/7 and don't even get a weekend or vacation to just chill out fully.  I can't even get through a meal most days without becoming exasperated at the ever flowing onslaught of corrective words coming out of my own mouth and aimed at my children (who apparently have the table manners of rabid chimpanzees).

Which brings me to the biggest reason why I chose roller derby: it's mine...all mine.  It's something that I can do without children up my butt.  Something that my husband cannot do (and I only add that because he is so athletic that any other thing I do such as running, swimming, or tennis I will always be the one red faced and panting behind him).  It's also something where, for a couple hours a week at least, I get to reinvent myself into that tough as nails chick that I alway wanted to be...I get to let my inner Joan Jett out.  ;)