Taking it off road...

Today I took my little girl out for a ride in the stroller...with my skates on.  I thought this might be a great way for me to get comfortable with some speed and work on my stance and stride without the fear of falling and my shakiness holding me back (since I would have something to hold onto).

It was a great idea in theory but not as great as I would have hoped in reality. 

The walking path that I chose was one that I remembered as being well paved and wide enough to keep me from careening into other pedestrians while on my way.  It turns out that it was certainly wide enough but the smooth roll I had hoped for wasn't there for over 50% of the journey.  There was a lot of general detritus on the path such as twigs, rocks, and tons of goose poop.  There were also a lot of areas where the pavement was really rough beneath my wheels or cracked and pushing up.

Not that any of that was too terrible on it's own.  But I am a novice on my wheels and my stroller, while awesome for cruising the mall, is completely wrong for such an undertaking.  So all in all it took a lot of concentration on my part to keep from toppling the both of us over onto our sides.  But I suppose that was somewhat of a good thing as one of my goals is to build up my ankle strength and I definately gave them a workout today. 

We went a little over a mile and a half before I decided that I had had enough.  Mostly the decision was based on the fact that I had really scared the piss out of myself by managing to slip my foot up beneath the back wheel of the stroller and narrowly avoided dumping my poor baby over onto her side stroller and all(!).  But one thing that I do have going for myself is that even though I may loose it after everything is said and done I am very cool and collected in crisis mode.  I very quickly thought to aim us off the path and into the grass where we came to an ugly, but safe, stop so I could dislodge my skate and get us rolling properly again.  But, like I said, I decided at that point that it was time to let Laura play on the swings a bit and end our stroll for the day.

I did manage to get a little more skate related fitness in at home afterwards too.  I did a short pilates routine aimed at strengthening my quads along with some wall sitting and even strapped on my skates to crouch in to the derby stance some to get my body used to that...my legs aren't strong enough to hold that pose for more than a minute at a time yet but I will keep plugging away at it.  I also worked on some of my lateral moves with my skates on as well.  One of my goals is to get my legs strong enough that I can do my pilates routine with my skates on...soon, Lonestar, soon.

Not too shabby...

Alright...I may just survive this after all!  I broke out my beloved frozen broccoli when I got home last night and immediately got down to the business of stretching my quads.  I alternated between the two until bedtime then I curled my legs up under a warm heating pad while I slept. 

By Jove, I think I've got it!

My legs are a little tight and mildly achy today but overall good to go.  I think I have found my post practice routine.  Rock on!

Today we'll be laying low because my little monkey man had his adenoids removed this morning...at most I'll do some stretching and maybe a few yoga poses between snuggles with him.  Tomorrow hopefully I will be able to leave him at home hanging out with Daddy so I can head out to a park and strap on the skates for an hour or so and work my ankle strength a bit.  I figure that pushing Laura in her stroller down the trails might be a great way to work on getting my skating stride perfected...hopefully I won't run anyone down!

Third practice...

That brings me to tonight, my third practice.  My quads still hurt, but I have mobility in them.  That's a start.

In an attempt to bring my inner athlete out I have tried to be proactive about my pain.  I wrapped my right quad, I stretched out before even leaving home, and I took some preemptive Tylenol.  Ready or not here I come.

I got there and started my laps.  Still shaky and still a little achy but doing alright at the start.  I am definitely slow and lumbering.  For every 3 laps the team does I do 1.  But I do them.

Then it was time to take a knee.  I was worried.  I thought I would play it smart and go down on the left leg and spare my right leg any more pain.  Crap...now my left quads hurt just as bad as my right!!  Quick realization: my quads are too weak and too tight.  Note to self...time for some yoga to stretch them and some strength training geared specifically for them.  As for tonight's practice, there will be no repeats of Tuesday.  Time to suck it up!

So I stretched to the best of my ability pain and all and got to the business of practice. 

The coach wasn't there so the assistant coach (Mouth) was busy getting the team moving so the other newbie and I went off to the side and started doing some of the work he had taught us before.  Her name is Hollyanna and I am so glad she's there to learn with.

By about 15 minutes in not only did my quads hurt but my ankles were screaming at me to make it stop.  Damn, skates are really heavy!  Deep breaths and keep moving...time to make my inner athlete earn it.  We started doing scooter pushes at Mouth's urging and I was so much slower than the 3 other trainees with me.  I had to rest my ankles frequently...but I kept chugging along.

After a while we were called over to the team to join in on some relays.  The gist of it was to skate one on one down to the other end of the rink then do some push-ups and race back (we did crunches the 2nd round).  I was nervous.  Not about the skating.  Not about the push-ups or crunches.  I was scared to death of going down on my knees to stop and get to the ground...I was sure my quads were going to rip to shreds!  Whew!  I was a wreck on the inside!

My turn quickly came and it was time to go big or go home.  So I did it.  It hurt...but my quads are miraculously still attached to my skeleton.  And I was able to get up and race back.  And I did my second round too.  It was big and it was scary (to me anyway) but I did it and it felt good.  Okay, not physically, but mentally...where it matters most.

After that Bunny (the team captain) had us doing a drill where we raced around the track at varying speeds (I kept outside so my slowness wouldn't trip anyone of course) then at her command slide to the ground flat onto our fronts.  Yikes...another big scary.  Even though I don't skate very fast yet I am still going fast enough that dropping like that is not something my body wants to do on command.  It wasn't pretty...but I did it!

Yay me. 

By the second hour I no longer felt my ankles and my quads were a nagging ache more so than a raging pain.  I made it through the whole practice and I think I did okay.  Not great, but not awful.

Rome wasn't built in a day...and neither is a derby girl.  I am going to keep plugging away and hope that a few months down the line I will be one of the girls skating inside the track rather than outside of it.

Getting my head into the game...

The next day I feel better and can move with minimal pain.  I still feel like a complete shit for skipping out early though.  I thought "How can you be a roller girl if you can't play through a little pain?". 

Seriously.  Girls that give themselves names like Mount Crushmore and Sk8er Bitch don't go limping home when they get a little sore.  What the hell was my problem?

And it dawned on me.  I am a couch potato.  I have always been a couch potato. 

I was never the girl to join in on sports.  I didn't play on a single team.  I was the girl who watched and thought it was cool and probably a lot of fun...and also a lot of work and a lot of commitment and a lot of hassle.  I always had something better to do.  You know, like go suck down too many chili dogs and make fun of the other girls.  I was never one for athletics.

Roller derby was going to be tough.  It was athletic, very athletic.  If I was going to actually do this thing I needed to find my inner athlete.  Certainly she had to be there somewhere...buried underneath all those layers of fat.  Right?  Right?!

If I didn't get my head into the game I was never going to make it past shaky skater to derby girl.  And I did want to be a derby girl.  I had never done anything like this before and it was time I actually got my fat ass up off the couch and made it happen!  I can do this.  Other girls just as out of shape and long off the skates as I am have done it...all I need is to do is put my mind to it. 

It's not going to be easy.  But dammit...I am going to try and I am going to put my whole self into it!

My second practice

So, practice number two rolled around 5 days after the first.  I was still feeling it a little in my legs (especially my right thigh due to a klutzy moment at home between practices) but I figured I would loosen right back up.  I was pumped and ready to rock.

I did a couple of practice laps on the outside of the rink while the team did their warm-up laps.  No worries.  Then we gathered to the middle to take a knee and then do some stretches.  Holy.  Freaking.  Crap.

It felt as if my right thigh exploded. 

Did I mention I had a klutzy moment the day before?  I slipped on the stairs and while I didn't fall head over heels I ended up in an awkward half split with my right leg bent behind me.  Oh...and did I also mention that since I never iced or stretched out my muscles after the first practice they were still a bit sore as it was.  Yeah.  I was not prepared for the beating my body was ready to undertake.

So back to the pain.  It took my breath away.  But, I didn't want to let on to all the tough girls surrounding me that I wanted to cry so I just tried to go about my business and stretch some. 

The we got back up and went on to some skating.  Us newbies were just doing some laps under the watch of the assistant coach and I just wasn't even feeling up to that.  I did a few laps and hung in there for about 30  minutes then decided that was that. 

I threw in the towel.

And I slunk away.  I felt like a giant ass the second I got into the car for not sucking it up and finishing practice.  I let the couch potato win.  I got a boo boo so home I went with my tail between my legs.

Once home I turned to Dr. Google and came to the conclusion I had pulled my quad muscle (the rectus femoris to be precise).  I read on and learned the RICE method of healing (rest, ice, compression, elevation).  So I grabbed my frozen broccoli and limped to the couch.  I spent that night and the next day alternating between icing and stretching.  Surprisingly...it helped.  A lot.

My first practice

 My first practice was fun.  I was shaky as can be on my skates but I toughed it out and worked hard.  I had a couple of falls (some were even intentional) but left feeling amazing!  Sure, I was like a baby trying to walk for the first time, but I hung in there.  There was another newbie (aka fresh meat) with me so it was nice to see that I was not alone in my suckiness.  It seemed like I was getting things pretty well and all I needed to do was get better balance and all would fall into place.

It was empowering.

The high was awesome!  I went to bed that night thinking I was the king high shit and I would be ready to get a uniform on and bout in no time at all.  I freaking rocked!

Then I woke up.  Really.  Damn...my legs hurt!  Holy crap, who knew I even had muscles there?!  Did you know?  I didn't.  My quads hurt the most (that's the upper thigh muscles).  I couldn't even lift my legs to put them on the coffee table in front of me.  I laid low for the next couple of days and didn't do much of anything except some light treadmill walking at the gym.  My next practice was just around the corner and I was going to be ready even if I was a little sore still...or so I thought.

And so my journey begins...

And so I sit here...alternating between holding bags of frozen broccoli against my upper thighs and laying on the floor stretching my legs thinking "what the hell have you gotten yourself into girl??".  My quads are aching and sore and my ankles are feeling tight.  As a professional couch potato I am not accustomed to such sensations.

So, what exactly have I gotten myself into?

Two words: Roller Derby.

Roller derby has always intrigued me...a bunch of badass women rolling around the track and trying to knock each other down and score points.  They wear awesome uniforms, have killer fun names, and look like they are having the time of their lives out there!  What girl wouldn't want to be a roller girl??

So, when I moved this past winter and found myself with no friends and no life I came across a site for the local derby team.  I thought "Wow!  I always wanted to do this...cool!".  Then I saw the recruitment site and saw that they were willing to take on any woman...even those that couldn't skate...and train them.  Awesome.  Hell, I used to skate all the time as a kid!  Sweet!  It's gotta be like riding a bike, right?  A few laps around and I'll be right back in that groove again. 

Yeah...it doesn't work that way.  At.  All.

When you're a kid you can skate for days without a hitch.  You go to bed tired and wake up the next day and strap those puppies back on to conquer the block again.  Oh...to have the muscles of a kid again!

As an adult, however, especially one who rides the couch with the best of them, not so much.

But I am going to try.  Lucky for me I have a husband who is by nature very athletic to encourage me and push me along.  One of the few people who didn't give me the "you're out of your freaking gourd" look when I told him of my intentions.  Quite the opposite, actually.  He was pretty pumped that I wanted to do it.  I am sure the thought of me in little spandex booty shorts and fishnets is likely contributing to his excitement, but that's fine by me.  I'm pretty pumped about the booty shorts and fishnets too actually.  (:

What I am really hoping to gain from this, however, is something new.  Something that is an adventure.  Something that I can look back on and say "I earned that".

I have never been athletically inclined...I started hitting the gym in the last year to shed some of my far too easily acquired weight and that's already a pretty big achievement.  I try to be dedicated to it but find it far too easy to come up with reasons why I should not go.  When I am getting there regularly I find myself looking forward to it and loving it but when I miss a few days my old ways creep back in and the motivation flees from me causing me to skip far too often.  Here now is something that will help with my overall fitness and keep me accountable while doing so as I have to attend so many practices in order to be a part of it.

And as a mother of two small children nothing is mine.  Not my food, not my clothes, not my time, not my body, not my thoughts (as they are forever interrupted causing me to often seem half retarded)...nothing.  As a stay at home mother I am in mommy mode 24/7 and don't even get a weekend or vacation to just chill out fully.  I can't even get through a meal most days without becoming exasperated at the ever flowing onslaught of corrective words coming out of my own mouth and aimed at my children (who apparently have the table manners of rabid chimpanzees).

Which brings me to the biggest reason why I chose roller derby: it's mine...all mine.  It's something that I can do without children up my butt.  Something that my husband cannot do (and I only add that because he is so athletic that any other thing I do such as running, swimming, or tennis I will always be the one red faced and panting behind him).  It's also something where, for a couple hours a week at least, I get to reinvent myself into that tough as nails chick that I alway wanted to be...I get to let my inner Joan Jett out.  ;)